You ever feel like certain outfits are just straight-up cursed? They look bangin’ in person, but EVERY. TIME. you try to photograph them, something goes horribly wrong?
Yeah, that would be this dress.
Fed up with how so much of my vintage seems to be simply disintegrating, I’ve invested in a few high-quality reproduction dresses. This one’s from Maggie Tang, and the construction is excellent for its price – excellent period, even. Though several reviews said “perfect for a bridesmaid”, and I had to laugh – you know I’m wearing this sucker out day-to-day, because “absurdly, inappropriately formal” is the name of my game.
The dress arrived a week and a half ago, and I’ve worn it at least five times since then, but I could not for the life of me get a good photo of it. The je ne sais quoi just wasn’t there.
So on Sunday I put my hair in pin curls, I did a full face of makeup, and I zipped myself into the dress. Yeah, bitch, today’s the day.
And then the following happened within 20 minutes:
- I took out my pin curls to find they had not set even a little
- the soles of my shoes came unglued, forcing me to perform a Ministry of Silly Walks goose-step all the way outside
- my camera fell off its *%*(&*($&^* tripod and its metal shell split almost in half
- I got so nervous and frustrated that I started sweating through my makeup
So I grabbed the shots I could and went inside to sulk in front of Netflix like the good Lord intended.
Cursed, I tell you. That’s what I get for buying non-vintage.