I don’t want to look “alternative” anymore, and I feel bizarrely guilty about that.
I want to be a vintage lifestyler. To wear Dior & co. as they were supposed to be worn, to sew my own reproductions, to sleep on curlers every night. And I’m just…not feeling twee anymore. I don’t want to look – brace yourself – childish.
Yeah, yeah, I know. Anyone can wear whatever they please, age and body type be damned. I believe this intellectually, and I try to implement it practically in my support of others. But for myself? I’ll admit it: I have style rules. I don’t think “flattering” is a dirty word. Do I dislike showing a lot of skin? You betcha! I’m starting to think “leaving one’s comfort zone” is overrated, at least when it comes to style. Who wants to be uncomfortable? Not me, and especially not as a political statement. Anyone should be able to wear what they want, but that doesn’t mean I, personally, have to wear everything.
I don’t want to have pink hair again. I loved it and I rocked it, but I’m done. I don’t want glitter or hairbows or fairy-princess fluff. I don’t want skulls all over everything, I don’t want colored tights, and I really don’t want the dreaded c-word. Cutesy? More like shoot me.
And yet my lizard brain persists in thinking that by rejecting these things, these hallmarks of former selves, I’m giving up my sense of adventure. That a subtler mien is a slippery slope to becoming the sort of cow who says “she’s too old/fat/dark to be wearing that”. That I’ve become square. It’s that fear that’s kept me holding onto clothes I know I won’t wear again: if I don’t stand out in every possible way, I’ll cease to be interesting.
When it comes down to it, though, I don’t think I want to stand out. I want to be your average 20something who just happens to live in 1949. Maybe I look weird by virtue of existing in 2016, but that doesn’t make weirdness my niche. I like to think I’d have fit right in sixty-something years ago.
Dress: ’50s vintage, via eBay
Cardigan: Ruby’s Red Ribbon
Scarf: made by me
Sandals: Earth Origins