i missed it so much

hair I

hair II

Black hair made a nice disguise. It swaddled and coddled me through a harsh winter. But pink is who I am.

hair III

I had promised myself I’d refrain from bleaching until I got a professional’s eye on my technique. Last night, though, I got sick of waiting. Maybe drugstore dyes will fry my hair, but going without my signature color does far more of a number on me psychologically. Pink is my natural color. I feel like pure, unadulterated, 100% me, and I refuse to sacrifice that.

Real outfit photos to come tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy my fancy follicles.

hair IV

hair V

hair VII



the filthiest of all the attention whores

I never post all the shots from any given shoot. I tend to select the best of the best for internet use: I don’t want to dilute the impact. And that means I have plenty of outtakes for “round-up” posts.

Behold a bunch of shots I didn’t post after their respective shoots!


Copyright Anna Rutenbeck 2012

This shot has such great composition. It’s from the first formal shoot I ever did. Anna and I have been friends for something like six years, and she was willing to schlep around with a camera on an incredibly hot day just to help me get a few decent shots.


Copyright Anna Rutenbeck 2012


Copyright Anna Rutenbeck 2012

Kind of a strange angle, but I love my hand on the cross.

moorish X

Copyright Brent Gould 2013

moorish XI

Copyright Brent Gould 2013

I like shots in which my face looks really foreign to me. This is one of them. I don’t quite recognize myself.

If I trained a mirror on myself for 24 hours, how many moments like this would I have? How many things about my physical comportment would surprise me?

moorish XII

Copyright Brent Gould 2013

speaking easy III

Copyright Brent Gould 2012

My mother says I’m starting to look exactly like her mother. I’ll post a picture of her sometime for comparison. It’s really getting kind of uncanny.

vintage XIII

Copyright Brent Gould 2012

Such a frigid color scheme. I feel like the most regal of the ice queens.

vintage XIV

Copyright Brent Gould 2012

yellow dress X

Copyright Greg Gouwens 2012

woods XLIX

Copyright Stephen Hayes 2012

If you look really closely at the right side of my neck (my right, not yours), you can see the scattering of pink welts. I didn’t notice it until after I got home that night, and I assumed it was just an odd configuration of mosquito bites.

Turns out it was a motherfucking rash. I went on to develop a fever and be sick for three or four days.

I really, really hate rashes. They don’t gross me out, per se (nothing really does), but something about skin ailments just gets to me. I’d rather have a week-long stomach bug than a full-body rash.


Copyright Brent Gould 2013

woods LVI

Copyright Stephen Hayes 2012

For levity’s sake. I have no recollection of what was going on in this picture, but looking at it makes me laugh out loud. Every. Single. Time.

Also, you have no idea how much I wish I could post my nudes! Some of my best work ever has been nude, and I’m really proud of it. But even though it’s not pornographic (for the most part), there are all sorts of regulations for blogs that host “adult” content, and in my effort to reach as many people as possible, I’d rather not have to worry about the restrictions. If you must go looking, though, my ModelMayhem profile is not exactly hard to find.


Burgundy is proving a lovely color for me. I feel more “classic bohemian” and less “strung-out hippie.” Today I felt like I belonged in a folk ensemble.

Lately my bras have been sagging and stretching, to the point of mammary discomfort, so I trekked to Victoria’s Secret and got myself refitted. Turns out I am in fact a 34D, not a 34B-C as I have been wearing since puberty. I invested in two new bras that fit, and I can’t believe how much more comfortable I am. And now I have the nice little ego boost of getting to call myself a D-cup.

Lately I’ve been avoiding high-waisted skirts due to trouble finding any that didn’t ride up, bisect my stomach, or cling to my hips. I’ve finally found one that doesn’t. I bought it yesterday at Dirt Chic. The waist is loose enough for comfort but fitted enough not to add bulk. The pleats manage to be swingy rather than heavy. One problem I run into with longer skirts is the tendency for too-long A-lines to sag into a tulip shape, which makes my short legs look even shorter. I don’t see that happening with this one, which is great. It’s also short enough to show the meaty part of my calves. When only my ankles are visible, my legs look downright disproportionate.

Purple! I love it.

Oh hello, 34D.

I have so much skull swag at this point in my life. I ought to do a compilation post featuring nothing but.


Update! I’m actually serious about the modeling thing. I’ve decided to look beyond just goth stuff and investigate all kinds of alternative modeling. Yesterday my awesome friend Anna and I did a photo shoot in City Hall Park, with an actual camera, actual scenery, and actual costume changes. I’ll upload the photos as soon as I’ve sorted them (we got about 600). I’m officially building a portfolio, and I’d like to start freelancing soon.

I’m fully aware that modeling has the trashiest reputation of all the visual arts (“all you do is stand around and look pretty!”), and I’m steeling myself for the onslaught of stupefaction that a former Latin major now aspires to make a living off her appearance. I can say with confidence that it’s a hell of a lot more than looking pretty. There’s real synergy in a successful photo shoot, a kind of collusion with the camera and instinct for how best to convey your mood and your creative vision. It’s stationary acting: you’re telling a whole story using nothing but the structure of your body and what’s on it. Still refuse to call it an art? Attend one of my shoots sometime.

I almost forgot your song!


I didn’t do a proper photo shoot today. I was wearing a repeat outfit, and I have a policy against redundant posts. I was also feeling sick and not quite up to mugging for the camera. But y’all should know my hair is now purple.

It’s the end of an era. I did love the pink. But, as I’m no longer a university student, I decided I needed a more subdued color for a real job. This shade of purple is the best of both the kooky and the conservative. (Also, the roots won’t show quite as much. That’s certainly a plus.)

THIS SCARF. I bought it on Monday at Old Gold. It features skulls on a background of spiderwebs. I couldn’t have designed it better myself.

I like the idea of linking a song with each post. To kickstart this trend, I’ll do two.


This, I feel, encapsulates the essence of my style.



I need a haircut. I prefer it a little rounder and bouncier. But I’m loving this magenta hair. I used to use Manic Panic Pillarbox Red, which was gorgeous for a few days and rapidly faded to brittle, mangy orange. Now I use Splat Raspberry, which gives much richer color and actually makes my hair softer.

This dress is strapless with a sweetheart neckline. Usually I’d let it show, but this particular dress suffers from a broken clasp (the reason it was only $27). Without the cardigan, the entire back of my bra would be visible.

Sundress: Old Gold, $27

Cardigan: Bella Boutique, $38 (Far more than I’d usually pay for an accessory item, but it’s a true investment: I wear it with everything.)

Pendant: Battery Street Jeans, $1 (Fucking STEAL!)

Belt: Battery Street Jeans, $2

Hat: Gift

Harley boots (invisible): Hand-me-down from Mom

Tights: Drugstore, $5